So much this! I think the immediate validation or interaction that's available on social media is so appealing-- especially when the writing work goes out and there isn't a response, or there's a very delayed response.
Sometimes I wonder if we would all be better mailing out our manuscripts via snail mail and just doing the work quietly without all the added noise of social media. I always end up kind of torn about social media and that immediate validation, because I like the online connection and community, but definitely ask myself if the positives outweigh the negatives.
YES, Eija, I have the same thing, of liking the community but also recognizing that the noise blocks me. That said, if I had to mail my manuscript, I would be super anxious about whether or not it arrived. So I'm glad I don't have to worry about that. But everything else -- sometimes I'm ready to pitch the internet out onto the lawn.
Thank you for sharing, Julie! I fully agree. Typically, I'll test ideas on social media to see how many likes they get, and to maintain some sort of presence, build an audience, etc. But I strayed from that path for a recent collaboration with my fiancé (that will hit shelves in 2025, woo hoo!), and we instead focused on the fun of making something that made us laugh. Obviously, a lot of luck was involved, but by ignoring social media the book came together quickly, and was a joy to make, and now I'm convinced this is the way to create moving forward. I'll admit I feel a little guilty for not sharing more with the audience I've built, but isn't it better for both of us if the end result is a better book?
Also, I can't help but wonder what your dog is thinking during your awesome videos—like, "Is she talking to me?" XD
Tom, this is SUCH a good example of all of this. You made a book together in a joyous and fun moment of creativity, rather than through that stilted process of always saying "is this ok? is this ok? do you like this?" that is posting on social media.
Cosmo (the dog) is probably rolling his eyes. "She's talking at her phone again." He knows when I'm talking to him, I'm sure! If I did a video about how all of you are such a good dog, THEN he'd be confused.
As always, I swear you see into my brain. A few people recommended i see what my substack subscribers like and don’t like about what I make. What connects with them the most? Etc. so I did. It felt weird. On one hand, we are supposed to provide “value” for them. And it is hard to determine what they value when you don’t know who they are. On the other, is there anything more people pleasing than wanting to know someone so you can figure out the exact way to connect with them and add value so you feel validated? So...basically I did it again. I people pleased. And it didn’t get me anything really. Except the realization that I should just keep doing whatever I want with my substack and not care what the experts recommend 😂 Sometimes it is hard to keep doing when it takes so much work and it is hard to measure if it is worth it. So the only measure is, like you said, if I like doing it or not.
And, I mean, it's hard! Because I think a valuable Substack IS one that considers the readers. But not one that ONLY considers the readers, but considers you first, and then also the readers, and what you might want to write/provide.
I did recently ask my paying subscribers what they liked for the stuff that I've been putting behind the paywall., but not as in "tell me what you want me to do for you" but from a place of curiosity. Like: what's landing, and what's not. Like so many (all of??) these things, a lot of it has to do with the energy we bring to it. So you can look to please people, but still put yourself first ("I am interested in writing about these three topics -- which are you most interested in? Maybe I'll work on that first") or put everyone else first ("tell me what you want! also I'll offer everyone a free book or critique or something! whatever you want!").
Ooh really good points! Plus the paid content versus free content does change things a bit too. I really like your approach to it -- it is about prioritizing what you like first and then seeing what other people connect with too.
I can't even count how many times in my life and work that I fell for the "just do something SALABLE" BS, which is the epitome of people pleasing. I'm trying to be done with it, honestly. Wait...am I doing this right? what do you think?
You'd think I would have learned by now NOT to do this!
Thanks, Julie for writing just the right thing....
So glad I am not alone in this! I think creating something and sending it out in the world feels so vulnerable and sometimes I want just a little bit of validation like, "Yeah, the hours and hours of unpaid work you put into this are worth it." or "This direction is the definitely way to go." But creativity doesn't work like that haha -- plus it isn't the reader's job to tell me that. They just want a funny or interesting or cool moment before going on with their lives -- not to have to give a ton of energy to the creator who is like, "Is this good? Did you like it?" haha
I once went to a lecture Chris Van Allsburg gave in Seattle around 2010. Someone asked him if he ran his ideas past the neighborhood kids to see if the ideas resonated with him. He just looked at the questioner as if they were wearing their underwear on their he'd, and said no, he finds he does his most creative work when he only listens to the voices in his own head. I had the epiphany that "the next big thing" (which we all hope to create) will never come from following trends or asking other people what they think is the best idea.
Creative work that is personal does make one feel vulnerable. But that is always the best work. The work we are not sure about, but won't stop yelling inside our brains.
So good! Love that story, thanks for sharing. Creativity really is about trusting your own voice -- and that as you do, you will naturally connect with other people. It is just so dang hard to do it 😉
“I need to know it’s good without anyone telling me it’s good.” YES but also SO HARD. I think it’s the brilliance of these platforms. They’re tapping into that very human instance of wanting attention & validation. The only way I could disentangle myself from Instagram was to stop posting. Then I didn’t have any incentive to check it and see how many people clicked the heart. I’m starting to see how addicted I am to checking my Substack stats. Not addicted exactly, but highly interested. Is it possible to participate in these platforms without being interested in the attention and validation that they produce?
YES, is it possible to participate without needing the attention??? That for sure is the question. My assumption is that it is possible, for some people. And maybe even for me (and you), but we have to be cautious. Have you ever read A Bargain for Frances? Frances the badger has this kind of crappy friend name Thelma who is always manipulating her or playing tricks on her and Frances has to decide whether she wants to be careful, or she wants to be friends with her. And if I'm always like, "I can post on Substack, but then I have to be careful" then maybe it's not the best platform for me. I do think I can get to a place of being able to post and be interested, but only mildly interested. Not highly interested (which is always where I am now).
So much this! I think the immediate validation or interaction that's available on social media is so appealing-- especially when the writing work goes out and there isn't a response, or there's a very delayed response.
Sometimes I wonder if we would all be better mailing out our manuscripts via snail mail and just doing the work quietly without all the added noise of social media. I always end up kind of torn about social media and that immediate validation, because I like the online connection and community, but definitely ask myself if the positives outweigh the negatives.
YES, Eija, I have the same thing, of liking the community but also recognizing that the noise blocks me. That said, if I had to mail my manuscript, I would be super anxious about whether or not it arrived. So I'm glad I don't have to worry about that. But everything else -- sometimes I'm ready to pitch the internet out onto the lawn.
Thank you for sharing, Julie! I fully agree. Typically, I'll test ideas on social media to see how many likes they get, and to maintain some sort of presence, build an audience, etc. But I strayed from that path for a recent collaboration with my fiancé (that will hit shelves in 2025, woo hoo!), and we instead focused on the fun of making something that made us laugh. Obviously, a lot of luck was involved, but by ignoring social media the book came together quickly, and was a joy to make, and now I'm convinced this is the way to create moving forward. I'll admit I feel a little guilty for not sharing more with the audience I've built, but isn't it better for both of us if the end result is a better book?
Also, I can't help but wonder what your dog is thinking during your awesome videos—like, "Is she talking to me?" XD
Tom, this is SUCH a good example of all of this. You made a book together in a joyous and fun moment of creativity, rather than through that stilted process of always saying "is this ok? is this ok? do you like this?" that is posting on social media.
Cosmo (the dog) is probably rolling his eyes. "She's talking at her phone again." He knows when I'm talking to him, I'm sure! If I did a video about how all of you are such a good dog, THEN he'd be confused.
As always, I swear you see into my brain. A few people recommended i see what my substack subscribers like and don’t like about what I make. What connects with them the most? Etc. so I did. It felt weird. On one hand, we are supposed to provide “value” for them. And it is hard to determine what they value when you don’t know who they are. On the other, is there anything more people pleasing than wanting to know someone so you can figure out the exact way to connect with them and add value so you feel validated? So...basically I did it again. I people pleased. And it didn’t get me anything really. Except the realization that I should just keep doing whatever I want with my substack and not care what the experts recommend 😂 Sometimes it is hard to keep doing when it takes so much work and it is hard to measure if it is worth it. So the only measure is, like you said, if I like doing it or not.
And, I mean, it's hard! Because I think a valuable Substack IS one that considers the readers. But not one that ONLY considers the readers, but considers you first, and then also the readers, and what you might want to write/provide.
I did recently ask my paying subscribers what they liked for the stuff that I've been putting behind the paywall., but not as in "tell me what you want me to do for you" but from a place of curiosity. Like: what's landing, and what's not. Like so many (all of??) these things, a lot of it has to do with the energy we bring to it. So you can look to please people, but still put yourself first ("I am interested in writing about these three topics -- which are you most interested in? Maybe I'll work on that first") or put everyone else first ("tell me what you want! also I'll offer everyone a free book or critique or something! whatever you want!").
Ooh really good points! Plus the paid content versus free content does change things a bit too. I really like your approach to it -- it is about prioritizing what you like first and then seeing what other people connect with too.
I can't even count how many times in my life and work that I fell for the "just do something SALABLE" BS, which is the epitome of people pleasing. I'm trying to be done with it, honestly. Wait...am I doing this right? what do you think?
You'd think I would have learned by now NOT to do this!
Thanks, Julie for writing just the right thing....
So glad I am not alone in this! I think creating something and sending it out in the world feels so vulnerable and sometimes I want just a little bit of validation like, "Yeah, the hours and hours of unpaid work you put into this are worth it." or "This direction is the definitely way to go." But creativity doesn't work like that haha -- plus it isn't the reader's job to tell me that. They just want a funny or interesting or cool moment before going on with their lives -- not to have to give a ton of energy to the creator who is like, "Is this good? Did you like it?" haha
This. So. Much.
I once went to a lecture Chris Van Allsburg gave in Seattle around 2010. Someone asked him if he ran his ideas past the neighborhood kids to see if the ideas resonated with him. He just looked at the questioner as if they were wearing their underwear on their he'd, and said no, he finds he does his most creative work when he only listens to the voices in his own head. I had the epiphany that "the next big thing" (which we all hope to create) will never come from following trends or asking other people what they think is the best idea.
Creative work that is personal does make one feel vulnerable. But that is always the best work. The work we are not sure about, but won't stop yelling inside our brains.
So good! Love that story, thanks for sharing. Creativity really is about trusting your own voice -- and that as you do, you will naturally connect with other people. It is just so dang hard to do it 😉
I always enjoy these "what's going on in Julie's brain" posts! But I respect that you need to write what will work for you. Have a good day, friend.
Thank you! And I'm happy to share what's going on in my brain with you.
This is an AMAZING post. Thank you for the insight.
Thank you, Linda!
“I need to know it’s good without anyone telling me it’s good.” YES but also SO HARD. I think it’s the brilliance of these platforms. They’re tapping into that very human instance of wanting attention & validation. The only way I could disentangle myself from Instagram was to stop posting. Then I didn’t have any incentive to check it and see how many people clicked the heart. I’m starting to see how addicted I am to checking my Substack stats. Not addicted exactly, but highly interested. Is it possible to participate in these platforms without being interested in the attention and validation that they produce?
YES, is it possible to participate without needing the attention??? That for sure is the question. My assumption is that it is possible, for some people. And maybe even for me (and you), but we have to be cautious. Have you ever read A Bargain for Frances? Frances the badger has this kind of crappy friend name Thelma who is always manipulating her or playing tricks on her and Frances has to decide whether she wants to be careful, or she wants to be friends with her. And if I'm always like, "I can post on Substack, but then I have to be careful" then maybe it's not the best platform for me. I do think I can get to a place of being able to post and be interested, but only mildly interested. Not highly interested (which is always where I am now).
Fabulous Free Fall! I like it!