Yes, yes, yes to this, Julie! I'm wanting more and more to be away from online but get conflicted by how important online is for YA marketing (even though the things we do there can really only move the needle so much). I want to find something to write *about*, and I don't think online is going to give that to me. Here's to living in the world and letting that dictate our art versus getting stagnant in these online spaces!
Really enjoyed reading this and relate so much. I was especially nodding along to this: “There is hope in the prospect of us all going deep, creating from a place of wholeness and introspection rather than sharing every moment for likes, metrics, and algorithms.” And this: “I have spent a lot of time flailing in casual codependent mediocrity, annoyed by always handing pieces of myself to other people, and then being confused at how hard it is to concentrate when I’ve given away so much of my heart.”
This was an incredible post, Julie. I do think -- or at least, think I can feel -- some sort of collective backing off of the internet, at least for all of us who aren't, like, angry ranty trolls with a vendetta for something/everything, so really, maybe just a small slice of us.
I can never turn my phone off entirely -- I'm a mother and my children are still very young and it's never going to happen, I'm never going to not be available in an emergency -- but I do fantasize about things like technology sabbaths. Maybe if I am at home, locked in technologically *with* my beloveds, I would feel less uneasy about powering off entirely?
I quit Facebook 10 years ago because it made me feel awful, and then I realized that over time, I was only having 50-character-tweet-sized thoughts and so I quit Twitter maybe a year after that. I'm only on Instagram now, and my relationship with it is far less fraught. I don't open the app from the time I leave work on Friday afternoons until I get back to work on Monday morning -- just through the discipline of Not Doing It -- and often I try to make it all the way through Monday and into Tuesday. And once every few months or so, I'll take a spontaneous, multi-week break (this is dictated by my feelings and intuition that I need to step away for a bit). It's not a perfect process, but it makes it possible for me to keep enjoying something I do genuinely enjoy without it destroying my brain, not to mention my soul.
Yeah, I keep coming back to that same thing as far as my ability to turn my phone off entirely. My four kids, while not very young, still do text me -- but also often they text me things that are not at all an emergency, and it's making me wonder about playing with shutting it down, for an hour, to see.
I definitely also had the problem of thinking in tweet-sized chunks -- that experience a few years ago (mostly also that I thought about Twitter as I was falling asleep) was what prompted me to quit social media the first time.
Here's hoping that the slice of us who aren't angry trolls with vendettas is actually a large slice.
My son is very interested in AI from an academic perspective. One thing he said that really struck me was that the most common application for AI right now is enhanced search. Basically AI is very good at scanning the Internet and coming up with resources. Matt said this AI application rewards mediocrity because the bulk of information is the what is people commonly express. AI is not good when you're looking for the exceptions/the outliers (which in my opinion is more interesting).
This is my roundabout way of saying that it's good to be weird and quirky. When we try to "acceptable" or "normal" we are being mediocre. When people worry about being replaced by AI, yeah, if you're trying to be "normal" and "acceptable" your are playing in AI space. This has reinforced my own bias that it's better to take the risk and not fit in/be an outlier.
While we risk be rejected by people who are uncomfortable with our particular genius, we give the people looking for our particular qualities the opportunity to find and cherish us.
I'm so intrigued by all of this too. I've noticed that when I've searched for something, mostly the Google AI results aren't quite there (I keep meaning to turn those off, but also I'm a little bit interested in whether there is ever any wisdom there). But yeah, AI rewards and demands mediocrity, for sure.
I love all of this and congrats on the book press! So exciting!
I've been thinking a lot about getting to that Bill Murray place -- there's the white male side of it but there is also a sense of knowing yourself so completely and having built a trust in your own taste and perceptions, that you confidently make creative decisions. I think a lot about how I'd rather fall on my face from my own choices rather than from following other people's opinions that don't feel like me anyway. But why is it so hard to put into practice?
As I've chatted with a lot of female friends about that growing sense of collective female anger, I've discovered a huge piece of it for me is that I've spent my life trying to identify everyone else's rules so I would know how to navigate stuff effectively. But in a therapy session this week, I heard myself say out loud, "I am tired of living by other people's rules. They are all made up! I want to make my own rules." Maybe this is part of the secret of Bill Murrayness -- he gives himself the permission to make his own rules and lives by them.
Ohhhh yes, for sure, that bit about spending your life trying to identify everyone else's rules. It's exhausting! And I'm really interested in approaching it not from a space of "but he's a white man, so..." but just "how does a creative genius operate?" And yeah, sure, yes, he is a white dude, but there is more to it than that. He is sure of himself, of his creative knowledge, his comedic genius, and is sure in making the art good. I admire that so much. Like, what even is the point of bending over backwards to accommodate other people's made-up rules, in order to make the art not as good as it could be?
Yes, same! I think the "white male" generalization can keep us from learning valuable lessons. Like yes, that is a thing -- but there is so much more to it! Might as well glean all the cool lessons we can from the people we admire.
And I completely agree! I'm so exhausted from doing that to myself. The whole rules thing was inspired by some interesting publishing lessons I've been learning -- hard lessons but good ones. I am often the person who responds to emails quickly, who will bend over backwards to help everyone meet their deadlines, but it has gotten me into a bad creative space. I was so busy following everyone else's processes that I neglected my own and my art has suffered. And I've been suffering. All out of fear of being seen as "difficult to work with." So yeah, I'm going to start Bill Murraying it ;) Kindness will still be there but kindness and respect for others AND MYSELF.
Yeah, and like, we're pretty nice and kind. We'd have to do some radical transforming for people to completely dismiss us as terrible and difficult.
I keep coming back to the fact that I want to keep writing and making great books. And to do that, I need time where I'm imagining and flowing and not worrying about emails.
Yes, yes, yes to this, Julie! I'm wanting more and more to be away from online but get conflicted by how important online is for YA marketing (even though the things we do there can really only move the needle so much). I want to find something to write *about*, and I don't think online is going to give that to me. Here's to living in the world and letting that dictate our art versus getting stagnant in these online spaces!
Really enjoyed reading this and relate so much. I was especially nodding along to this: “There is hope in the prospect of us all going deep, creating from a place of wholeness and introspection rather than sharing every moment for likes, metrics, and algorithms.” And this: “I have spent a lot of time flailing in casual codependent mediocrity, annoyed by always handing pieces of myself to other people, and then being confused at how hard it is to concentrate when I’ve given away so much of my heart.”
wow, Julie, this one.
Julie,
Thank you for this post.
I could say so much more but I'll save that for journaling. :)
What you are grappling with is so meaningful and relatable.
Beth
This was an incredible post, Julie. I do think -- or at least, think I can feel -- some sort of collective backing off of the internet, at least for all of us who aren't, like, angry ranty trolls with a vendetta for something/everything, so really, maybe just a small slice of us.
I can never turn my phone off entirely -- I'm a mother and my children are still very young and it's never going to happen, I'm never going to not be available in an emergency -- but I do fantasize about things like technology sabbaths. Maybe if I am at home, locked in technologically *with* my beloveds, I would feel less uneasy about powering off entirely?
I quit Facebook 10 years ago because it made me feel awful, and then I realized that over time, I was only having 50-character-tweet-sized thoughts and so I quit Twitter maybe a year after that. I'm only on Instagram now, and my relationship with it is far less fraught. I don't open the app from the time I leave work on Friday afternoons until I get back to work on Monday morning -- just through the discipline of Not Doing It -- and often I try to make it all the way through Monday and into Tuesday. And once every few months or so, I'll take a spontaneous, multi-week break (this is dictated by my feelings and intuition that I need to step away for a bit). It's not a perfect process, but it makes it possible for me to keep enjoying something I do genuinely enjoy without it destroying my brain, not to mention my soul.
Yours in codependency of a variety of kinds...
Yeah, I keep coming back to that same thing as far as my ability to turn my phone off entirely. My four kids, while not very young, still do text me -- but also often they text me things that are not at all an emergency, and it's making me wonder about playing with shutting it down, for an hour, to see.
I definitely also had the problem of thinking in tweet-sized chunks -- that experience a few years ago (mostly also that I thought about Twitter as I was falling asleep) was what prompted me to quit social media the first time.
Here's hoping that the slice of us who aren't angry trolls with vendettas is actually a large slice.
My son is very interested in AI from an academic perspective. One thing he said that really struck me was that the most common application for AI right now is enhanced search. Basically AI is very good at scanning the Internet and coming up with resources. Matt said this AI application rewards mediocrity because the bulk of information is the what is people commonly express. AI is not good when you're looking for the exceptions/the outliers (which in my opinion is more interesting).
This is my roundabout way of saying that it's good to be weird and quirky. When we try to "acceptable" or "normal" we are being mediocre. When people worry about being replaced by AI, yeah, if you're trying to be "normal" and "acceptable" your are playing in AI space. This has reinforced my own bias that it's better to take the risk and not fit in/be an outlier.
While we risk be rejected by people who are uncomfortable with our particular genius, we give the people looking for our particular qualities the opportunity to find and cherish us.
Something I'm very intrigued by.
I'm so intrigued by all of this too. I've noticed that when I've searched for something, mostly the Google AI results aren't quite there (I keep meaning to turn those off, but also I'm a little bit interested in whether there is ever any wisdom there). But yeah, AI rewards and demands mediocrity, for sure.
Yeah, I'm intrigued as well, Julie. Something I'm keeping an eye on. And IMHO the world doesn't need more mediocrity.
It definitely does not need more mediocrity, I agree!
I love all of this and congrats on the book press! So exciting!
I've been thinking a lot about getting to that Bill Murray place -- there's the white male side of it but there is also a sense of knowing yourself so completely and having built a trust in your own taste and perceptions, that you confidently make creative decisions. I think a lot about how I'd rather fall on my face from my own choices rather than from following other people's opinions that don't feel like me anyway. But why is it so hard to put into practice?
As I've chatted with a lot of female friends about that growing sense of collective female anger, I've discovered a huge piece of it for me is that I've spent my life trying to identify everyone else's rules so I would know how to navigate stuff effectively. But in a therapy session this week, I heard myself say out loud, "I am tired of living by other people's rules. They are all made up! I want to make my own rules." Maybe this is part of the secret of Bill Murrayness -- he gives himself the permission to make his own rules and lives by them.
Ohhhh yes, for sure, that bit about spending your life trying to identify everyone else's rules. It's exhausting! And I'm really interested in approaching it not from a space of "but he's a white man, so..." but just "how does a creative genius operate?" And yeah, sure, yes, he is a white dude, but there is more to it than that. He is sure of himself, of his creative knowledge, his comedic genius, and is sure in making the art good. I admire that so much. Like, what even is the point of bending over backwards to accommodate other people's made-up rules, in order to make the art not as good as it could be?
Yes, same! I think the "white male" generalization can keep us from learning valuable lessons. Like yes, that is a thing -- but there is so much more to it! Might as well glean all the cool lessons we can from the people we admire.
And I completely agree! I'm so exhausted from doing that to myself. The whole rules thing was inspired by some interesting publishing lessons I've been learning -- hard lessons but good ones. I am often the person who responds to emails quickly, who will bend over backwards to help everyone meet their deadlines, but it has gotten me into a bad creative space. I was so busy following everyone else's processes that I neglected my own and my art has suffered. And I've been suffering. All out of fear of being seen as "difficult to work with." So yeah, I'm going to start Bill Murraying it ;) Kindness will still be there but kindness and respect for others AND MYSELF.
Yeah, and like, we're pretty nice and kind. We'd have to do some radical transforming for people to completely dismiss us as terrible and difficult.
I keep coming back to the fact that I want to keep writing and making great books. And to do that, I need time where I'm imagining and flowing and not worrying about emails.
Yes!!! So yeah, basically we got this now 😉
Yes
Yes