20 Comments

Yes! I swear you always talk about what I’m thinking about 😂 I’m trying to do the same thing. I recently had a huge epiphany about the source of my people pleasing which has helped me rewire my brain a bit to change my reactionary response. I realize that I often please people because I want to be kind and be seen as kind -- part of that is to protect myself and calm my anxiety. My brain thinks, “if I’m kind, people will be kind back and I’ll be safe.” Which isn’t always true. And also not so great since I’m sometimes using kindness to try to control my environment 😂 Totally a trauma response! But now that I understand this about myself, I’m finally making some progress.

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Feb 10, 2023Liked by Julie Falatko

Incredible, something must be in the air, because I have a drafted substack post about this exact thing!

I've been finding out just how much of me and my outward personality stems from needing to be validated and appreciated, rather than my natural self. Does that make sense? It's a process of unpicking, which parts of me are all about people pleasing and which parts are me just doing what I want to do in being nice, doing something for someone else.

Loved listening to this. It's like you plucked things from my brain, made them eloquent, and said them out loud.

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Feb 10, 2023Liked by Julie Falatko

Oh, one other funny thing I thought of when you said, "I want you to pay attention to me" I think you could also say "I want you to pay me." :D

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Feb 10, 2023Liked by Julie Falatko

You are developing healthy selfishness. I find that if I do what I want to do first each day, then everything else gets done. But if I do what others need/want first - unless it's an emergency - then I never have me time.

Practice this phrase when someone asks you to do something you don't wants to do. "Thanks, but asking, but no thanks." No need for an explanation, no need to justify.

It's all about setting healthy boundaries.

I'm successful at this about 60% of the time. :-)

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For the record, I am 25 years beyond midnight movies so you can relax a bit!

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Feb 10, 2023Liked by Julie Falatko

I think this is just exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Thanks!

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Harrumpf. And I was JUST about to ask Julie to a midnight movie. But nOw.... tsk. tsk. tsk. (I kid, I kid.)

This post makes total sense and I think we've all been there. My way of getting out of anything confrontational (even if it's just confronting in terms of my own psyche or schedule) is to joke about it. "Ha ha, I'll get right to that! Next year! Bwah hah ha!" So I totally get the "joking but only mostly." It's confusing, though, because I also like joking in general. It's only SOMETIMES that I'm not joking, but pass it off as a joke. It's...maybe not the best way to handle all things. #workingonit #slowly

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