I felt this one! I used to be good at not responding quickly and then years ago a friend told me it gave her anxiety because I didn’t respond right away and another friend said it drove her crazy that I didn’t respond immediately. As a people pleaser, I took this to heart. Rather than saying this is a them issue, I thought it was a me issue. Now I’m trying to get back to that old me. You helped me understand another aspect of it which is the fact I don’t like having small tasks build up. My point is…you gave me a renewed determination to work on practicing sitting in the discomfort of not responding right away 😊 thank you!
I just started reading The Power of Habit, and I am hoping to be able to use it to get out of the habit loop of wanting to respond immediately (and also build stronger habit pathways around writing time!). One thing that I have tried is turning on the out of office responder. It feels a little cheesy sometimes, but it's a way to actually respond to people without responding. Like you could say something like "Hello, friends! Bear with me as I'm building my new routines during this transition, and know that I may not respond to you for several days" [or whatever time seems right to you "I may not respond for a week" or "I may not respond for six months" (!!!) or "I may never ever respond" I don't know]
I love the power of habit! I couldn’t build habits effectively at all before I read that book. And wow, the automatic response idea is brilliant! A friend of mine also told me about setting office hours on her phone so that she doesn’t get notifications during certain hours. I’ll definitely try these strategies this week. Thank you!
Oh good! I really like it so far, but am not that far in. I think the other term I saw for the autoresponse was "I'm heads down on a project at the moment" which was not a term I had heard before (and maybe isn't one I'd use) but there was a period where I did some version of "I'm writing a book and can't respond to emails right now."
I worked in tech and they love the phrase “heads down” so much 😂 The nice thing was you could schedule “heads down” time on your calendar to protect yourself from too many meetings. Love the idea applying that same mentality to protecting book time!
YES!! I think you should do this! Not that any of us can see your calendar. But you can! Wait, maybe I'll do this too! But let's call it "heads up" time, when we're staring out the window, looking at clouds and dreaming.
I struggle with wanting to respond instantly, but I've had success in turning it into a challenge for myself to see HOW LONG I can let it go before responding. Turning it into a game for myself has helped me feel less stressed about making people wait a little ;D
Oooh, I like this game. It's like, I don't want a fitbit that tells me how many steps I've taken, I need one that tells me how much time in my own head I've had and how long I've gone without putting other people's needs and voices and messages before my own.
Haha yes. I love thinking about that kind of tracking device! I also reward my brain for staying off social media by reframing my life as "secret." It makes everything feel more special, even when I'm just "secretly-washing-dishes"
Oh wait, I love that. And, I mean, shouldn't our lives be more secret??? Everyone needs to be more secret! We don't need to be sharing everything. Not only to keep some things secret, but, like, I don't even want to know it all.
I think back to the time when I wrote letters to my international friends. It would take several weeks to months for their replies to reach me. I miss that correspondence. There was a time when getting a letter response in a year was normal!! I object to the folks who say to me "but I sent you a text." Well, textnically they did . . . about a minute ago and yet they expect that I have read it and acted upon it.
When people apologize for not responding to one of my texts, I'm always like, "No! Please do not respond!" Let's all live our lives. I have such fond memories of getting one of those air mail letters, where the envelope was also the letter, and how I'd have to open it so carefully, and how my friend would have had to write in teeny tiny handwriting to fit all the news and fun stuff on only one page.
So torn! Must. Not. Respond...Don't want to distract you...yet...I do want to say I totally understand. I'm only revising a picture book right now (I've got new feedback that the MC needs to be more demonstrably anxious among other things), and while the R&R is definitely causing *me* to feel more and more anxious, none of that seems to be landing on the page just yet--it's like the ultimate insult. I'm having trouble writing what I actually know!
You got this, writer!! We got this!
Back to the red pen markings mill and printed paper mine for me. 😂
So true! I’ve realized the same thing recently. If I need to know about something or if it’s really important, someone will call me about it. Gotta prioritize and protect our headspace and writing time. Thanks for this! Now to actually DO that... 🤪
Doing it is the hard part, for sure. It's hard for me to break away from "hmm, maybe someone sent me an email with outrageously good news, I should check..."
I felt this one! I used to be good at not responding quickly and then years ago a friend told me it gave her anxiety because I didn’t respond right away and another friend said it drove her crazy that I didn’t respond immediately. As a people pleaser, I took this to heart. Rather than saying this is a them issue, I thought it was a me issue. Now I’m trying to get back to that old me. You helped me understand another aspect of it which is the fact I don’t like having small tasks build up. My point is…you gave me a renewed determination to work on practicing sitting in the discomfort of not responding right away 😊 thank you!
I just started reading The Power of Habit, and I am hoping to be able to use it to get out of the habit loop of wanting to respond immediately (and also build stronger habit pathways around writing time!). One thing that I have tried is turning on the out of office responder. It feels a little cheesy sometimes, but it's a way to actually respond to people without responding. Like you could say something like "Hello, friends! Bear with me as I'm building my new routines during this transition, and know that I may not respond to you for several days" [or whatever time seems right to you "I may not respond for a week" or "I may not respond for six months" (!!!) or "I may never ever respond" I don't know]
I love the power of habit! I couldn’t build habits effectively at all before I read that book. And wow, the automatic response idea is brilliant! A friend of mine also told me about setting office hours on her phone so that she doesn’t get notifications during certain hours. I’ll definitely try these strategies this week. Thank you!
Oh good! I really like it so far, but am not that far in. I think the other term I saw for the autoresponse was "I'm heads down on a project at the moment" which was not a term I had heard before (and maybe isn't one I'd use) but there was a period where I did some version of "I'm writing a book and can't respond to emails right now."
I worked in tech and they love the phrase “heads down” so much 😂 The nice thing was you could schedule “heads down” time on your calendar to protect yourself from too many meetings. Love the idea applying that same mentality to protecting book time!
YES!! I think you should do this! Not that any of us can see your calendar. But you can! Wait, maybe I'll do this too! But let's call it "heads up" time, when we're staring out the window, looking at clouds and dreaming.
Yes! Heads up is much better - scheduling now 😉
I struggle with wanting to respond instantly, but I've had success in turning it into a challenge for myself to see HOW LONG I can let it go before responding. Turning it into a game for myself has helped me feel less stressed about making people wait a little ;D
Oooh, I like this game. It's like, I don't want a fitbit that tells me how many steps I've taken, I need one that tells me how much time in my own head I've had and how long I've gone without putting other people's needs and voices and messages before my own.
Haha yes. I love thinking about that kind of tracking device! I also reward my brain for staying off social media by reframing my life as "secret." It makes everything feel more special, even when I'm just "secretly-washing-dishes"
Oh wait, I love that. And, I mean, shouldn't our lives be more secret??? Everyone needs to be more secret! We don't need to be sharing everything. Not only to keep some things secret, but, like, I don't even want to know it all.
This is not a response. I am busy writing.
Great post - thank you:)
Me, too. Me. Too. Oof.
I think back to the time when I wrote letters to my international friends. It would take several weeks to months for their replies to reach me. I miss that correspondence. There was a time when getting a letter response in a year was normal!! I object to the folks who say to me "but I sent you a text." Well, textnically they did . . . about a minute ago and yet they expect that I have read it and acted upon it.
When people apologize for not responding to one of my texts, I'm always like, "No! Please do not respond!" Let's all live our lives. I have such fond memories of getting one of those air mail letters, where the envelope was also the letter, and how I'd have to open it so carefully, and how my friend would have had to write in teeny tiny handwriting to fit all the news and fun stuff on only one page.
Julie - feel free to NEVER reply to me. I'm just happy to hear what you have to say. :-)
I try really hard to answer email later in the day and try to get the other stuff done on my lists first.
No need to respond to this comment! :) Just a note to say I'm excited for your next novel--and love the notebook.
Well, don't get too excited. Or, I mean, feel free to be excited, but don't stop everything to wait for it.
So torn! Must. Not. Respond...Don't want to distract you...yet...I do want to say I totally understand. I'm only revising a picture book right now (I've got new feedback that the MC needs to be more demonstrably anxious among other things), and while the R&R is definitely causing *me* to feel more and more anxious, none of that seems to be landing on the page just yet--it's like the ultimate insult. I'm having trouble writing what I actually know!
You got this, writer!! We got this!
Back to the red pen markings mill and printed paper mine for me. 😂
[whispers quietly] [only to elayne] I'm releasing a "how to revise a picture book" online class v soon, fyi
[ok, back to it] [here we go]
😂 ✏️
So true! I’ve realized the same thing recently. If I need to know about something or if it’s really important, someone will call me about it. Gotta prioritize and protect our headspace and writing time. Thanks for this! Now to actually DO that... 🤪
Doing it is the hard part, for sure. It's hard for me to break away from "hmm, maybe someone sent me an email with outrageously good news, I should check..."